


Am I in Love? Please help me

by Cate_K1812



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Blogger - Freeform, Can't deal with it, Desperate, Help, Highschool AU, Lovesickness, M/M, Online blog, Sad, Self-Doubt, Unanswered love, desperate Keith, lover's grief, my own experiance, not sure about his feelings, only friendship, sorry if you feel sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 02:10:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13156974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cate_K1812/pseuds/Cate_K1812
Summary: Keith starts a blog online. He writes about what's on his mind and his friend Lance.He loves Lance, but he probably doesn't love him back.Keith writes everything down in this blog he has to get off his chest and hopes to get answers or help from others users





	Am I in Love? Please help me

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks the fabulouse bev_crusher for the beta.
> 
> You better don't read this while listening to sad music or you probably cry.  
> You have been warned

Lance and I are best friends. 

We only know each other since the beginning of the school year, but we are close. 

We share a lot. The same taste of music, well mostly, the same humor and partially the same hobbies.

We really have a special bond. 

I often say things like, “Lance, you dork. Can't you do anything right?”, “You're such an idiot.”  
I insult him a lot, but I never mean it and he knows that. 

He, on the other hand, offers way too many compliments.  
“Keith, you are such a good singer.”, “Wow, this painting is good. I love it.”, “You're awesome.” 

I try to give the compliments back, but I suck. “You're nice.”, “You really are a good friend.”, “You're my best friend, you know.” 

But I have the feeling that I only hurt myself, saying this things. 

I'm confused.

I love spending time with him. I love fooling around with him and behave like we are only young children and not almost adult teenagers.

Teenagers... that term isn't right for me. I just turned 19 and he's still only 17. What am I doing? I know he only sees a friend in me. He already has a girlfriend. She's beautiful and jealous about every female being coming near Lance. Luckily, I'm a boy and she doesn't notice me as a rival. 

I really don't know what I'm doing... 

At first it was just a good friendship. I only saw a friend in him, but I fell, fast, and I crushed hard to the ground, realizing that he would never be interested in me. 

I finally noticed how helplessly in love I was after he slept at my place one night and I borrowed him one of my shirts.  
The next day after he was gone I checked the shirt, if I should put it in the laundry. But it smelled like him. His scent was strong and good and calming. I put the shirt on my bed, next to my pillow and slept with the head close to it every night since.  
Even now, two weeks later, it still smells like him. 

I can't take this anymore. Why am I torturing myself like this?

I know exactly that I can never have him. 

In our chats we talk and write about everything. Things we like, thinks we should do, chocolate, hobbies, even sex sometimes. It's never specific, but enough to either make me hot or give me the chills.

I can't do this anymore.

Isn't their someone else for me? Anyone else I could fall in love with, who would love me back? 

I still mime the best friend. I dream about kissing him... I could never tell him how I feel. I don't want to ruin our friendship. If this is the only way we can be together, than so be it.  
I rather spend a little time with him than no time at all.

I am pathetic, aren't I?

“Keith? You are so quiet today. Anything alright?”, Lance asked me in school today.  
“No, nothing is alright. I fell in love with someone who will never understand my feelings”, that's what I thought. But I said, “Yeah. Anything's alright. Just a little tired.”

I hate myself. And I have no one to talk about this. No one. My dad wouldn't understand it. My mum is gone and I have no siblings and no friends but Lance.  
I can't even tell Shiro and he is like a big brother to me. But he has his own problems. He has a girlfriend he's happy with. He had relationships before and he knows how to deal with it. I don't and I'm to shy to ask. 

My heart beats faster when I think about him, when we write. When I want to sleep he's in my head and I dream of what could happen if we were together as lovers. 

Sometimes I lie about my feelings. I sent smilies with the wrong emotion or smile when I don't want to. But when I look at him, I'm really happy and I can't change it.  
Sometimes I have the feeling that he likes me more than he admits to himself. When we hug for example. When he calls me cute even though I usually hate it.

My heart can't deal with this trouble. I never felt this way before.

I have to deal with this alone, like I always do.  
I try to forget it. I'll simply wait till we finish school and I will never have to see him again.  
I hope my heart can accept this decision. Otherwise I really don't know how to keep living a happy life.

“Lance... I love you.”, words I whisper to myself, tears in my eyes, before I fall asleep. 

I feel numb thinking about him.  
I feel numb writing about him here, on the internet, where everyone can read it. But he will never find it. At least I hope so. If he does and figures it all out, we have been friends for the longest time. 

Lance... if you could just say my name... or better, you don't and don't hurt me anymore. I'm just a kid... a child with no experience. 

I don't want this anymore. 

Anyone please help me...

**Author's Note:**

> I think anyone felt like this before. 
> 
> I once did and I felt pathetic all the time I thought about that person.  
> It's not funny


End file.
